he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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