yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
