Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
