remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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