Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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