I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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