Where did you get a picture of my penis
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I wish there were birth control emojis
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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