why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My ass is underappreciated
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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