where does the pee come out of this thing
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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