just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
