Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
