I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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