Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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