i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
