I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
