I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
