Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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