I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I want a musical about memes.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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