I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's blow job season.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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