fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
