I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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