My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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