Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
