babies were throwing up all over the place
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
