I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
