I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
