i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
