I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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