I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
