here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
