Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
