My first STD was from a foam party
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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