Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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