I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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