Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
