You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
