it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
