I met the friendliest cop last night
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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