Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
