My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
honey bunches of taint.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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