Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
