Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
