I wanna passion pit in your ass
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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