conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
