Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
