I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
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