this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
