i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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