Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
