Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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