How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
