There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
