I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
