I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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