I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
