Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
