the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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