Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
