if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
