Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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