I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize