You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
