I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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