That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
