no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
