Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
