Me. At least after what I've been through.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
