It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
