She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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