What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
