are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
