It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
