nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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