i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
