We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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