I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I don't deserve a penis
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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