1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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