Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
