So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
When did angry sex become our thing?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
