In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
PANTIES FOUND
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
