I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize