omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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