First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
