Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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