He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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