I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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