just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
