I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
