So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
