Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize