Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
