Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
